Potato Chips

These have to be at least six years old. Wait, before you lose all faith in me as a rational human being–actually your faith in my rationality should’ve been destroyed a long time ago, like when I told you about the dace belt–but don’t lose faith based on the fact that I have an open, six-year-old  bag of potato chips. I didn’t intentionally save these potato chips. I found them in a box of things my brother packed up for me from my old room in my parent’s house. I moved away to go to school six years ago and for five years my room back at the house remained basically just how I left it. That was, until my mother died. After she died, since I lived a couple hours away and my brother lived much closer, my brother helped my dad organize the house. Through this process my brother was kind enough to pack up all the things in my room. He did not, however, organize anything. What this bag of barbecue chips tells me is that he grabbed whatever was in that room and dumped it in a box. What this bag also tells me is that if I expected him to do any sort of organization, I would be a nut ball. I left that room pretty maintained, but it was inside the closets and cabinets that I kept all of my hidden treasures; I believe he said he found a few beers stashed in a sleeping bag. Nevertheless, this bag of chips is here now, and I must toss it. I’m legitimately surprised that there aren’t mutant preservative animals trying to break through the bag and attack me–like little potato Godzillas or something. I’m a little afraid to see what else will come out of this box.

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~ by russell jander on February 11, 2012.

6 Responses to “Potato Chips”

  1. when my sister left to go to college, i was stuck packing up her “junk” that was left in the room we shared–she was a true pack rat of the 1st degree. one of the things i found was a small souvenir box from a wedding that was to have held the piece of cake she took home…strewn throughout the bag of stuff were the disintegrated cake crumbs…still surprised no mice came out of her stuff~

  2. I know a guy that saved an unopened package with a cake – in Sweden called “rulltårta” for 22 years now. It looks amazingly intact. I would like you to save this bag o chips just for the scientific fun of it.

  3. McD’s french fries would outlast this bag o’ chips by a thousand years LOL

  4. i think this is all disgusting, but so funny. i love this blog!

  5. Did you eat the chips and have to go to the hospital to get your stomach pumped or what? You’re gonna need some back logged trinkets if you still plan to make 365. I’ve been looking forward to your next post :).

  6. […] popular belief, I did not in fact eat the six-year-old potato chips and die. My absence was due to a wicked flu–so wicked that I actually did consider suicidally […]

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