Foam Finger

I know I kept this foam finger for a reason, but right now that’s a lot like knowing how to talk. I don’t have to think about how to move my lips and tongue before I speak, I just speak–and it often gets me in trouble, but that’s beside the point. The point is, like knowing how to talk, I know why I kept this foam finger, but whenever I try to articulate the reason I kept it, the reason alludes me, like trying to remember a dream after waking.

We had to watch our spending when I was growing up, and in a situation like attending a baseball game, hot peanuts and foam fingers were not things we bought. That’s why I remember being shocked when my dad smiled and said, “Sure, Bubba,” after I asked if I could have one of these foam hands. I still don’t know why he agreed to buy one for me–maybe he had just gotten a raise or something–but had I known he was finally going to cave on a ridiculously overpriced novelty item, I would have asked for one of those giant pens that looks like a baseball bat, or maybe just a couple of churros.

The reason I asked for a foam finger in the first place was because of the movies. Every time there’s a montage or feel-good baseball game moment in a movie one of the characters has a foam finger on and is yelling obscenities at the umpires, but also they just look like they’re having a blast. I thought there was something special about having a foam finger on at a baseball game that automatically cranked the fun meter to eleven, so when I saw the sales dude walking around with one I jokingly blurted that I wanted one, knowing my dad would say no.

My foam finger assumptions were wrong. Instant fun did not come with its acquisition, but I did notice a pleasant smile on my dad’s face when he bought it for me–like he had just executed a perfect parallel park. I enjoyed the foam finger, but I enjoyed the step out of the ordinary more. From what I can remember my dad did too.

P.S. There’s something peaceful about putting on a foam finger I wore when I was fourteen. Wearing it now at twenty-five makes life feel a little less chaotic–like I’m slipping into a continuum.


~ by russell jander on February 3, 2012.

7 Responses to “Foam Finger”

  1. Dude…when I saw the title I was hoping wishing praying willing to see the Hulkamania foam finger!

    Good stuff man!

  2. OH man, I experienced a gazillion of those “if I had known he was going to cave…” moments!

  3. I caved and bought my son a smencil the other day. It made us both smile. I hope he remembers it when he’s older!

  4. Nice piece Russell. This is the first of your trinkets I have read these last few days and I’m glad it was this one! Arm chair easy is how we, over at The Wakefield Doctrine, describe rogerian writing. The good stuff anyway. LoL If I had any doubt as to your being a roger, well I doubt no more! Thanks for sharing.

  5. Ok, I think the foam fingers are a guy thing, and that’s fine, I get it, sort of, what I really relate to is that my mouth and the words that come out uncensored usually get me in a lot of trouble too,

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