In this post you will see what tool-bag I am. I found this necklace when I was in high school under a bush outside the house, and I actually thought Oh what a pretty necklace! I should keep it and give it to my girlfriend. After taking it inside I realized that one of the charms had a crack in it which caused the light to refract differently in that charm than in the other two, but I thought Meh, I didn’t notice it at first. Maybe she won’t either. As if giving my girlfriend a gift I found on the ground wasn’t bad enough, I thought I should give her one that was broken. I clearly knew nothing, because giving her that necklace probably would have been the immediate end to that relationship:

“Oh what a pretty neckla–” She pauses as she notices the crack. “Wait. Where did you get this?”
“Well, technically my driveway.”
She throws the necklace in my face.

You’ve heard of the fury of a woman who’s been cheated out of tricks-or-treats, haven’t you? That’s nothing compared to the fury of a woman who’s been cheated out of getting a legit present from a thoughtful boyfriend–I assume, anyways. Luckily I lost the necklace in my junk drawer and didn’t find it again until long after we broke up. The saddest part is I was spared from the fury not because I came to my senses, but because I was lazy, disorganized, and forgetful.

P.S. I found the janky keys to those stupid locks.


~ by russell jander on January 17, 2012.

One Response to “Necklace”

  1. love the idea of your blog, looking forward to a year of getting rid of crap, even if it is vicariously!

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