These are a couple of locks that I lost the keys for long ago, but that’s fine because you could pick them by sneezing on them. They are the cheapest little things ever, but when I was little they were my secret defense for my newly discovered privacy. It happened on a trip to the grocery store. I was sitting in the cart as my mom pushed me through the isles and suddenly she stopped the cart and turned around. My eyes widened as I looked to my right and saw that she had parked me right next to an open display of individually wrapped taffy, right at eye level. Almost mechanically my right arm reached out, grabbed one of the taffies, and stuck it in my pocket, but it honestly wasn’t until after my hand was in my pocket that I realized I’d done something I shouldn’t have. By then, however, my mom had already turned back around to press on. I said nothing. After getting home I waited until I was alone and then pulled out the taffy. I opened the wrapper, looked around, and popped it in, but after one chew I spat it right back out. It was black licorice! Gross, but so what if the booty was bunk–I still learned I could be sneaky. Game over after that. I kept little secrets all over the place: a box of candy under my bed, some Micro Machines in my pillow case, but most of all I started putting locks on things that really can’t be locked up, like ropes and Legos. I even started putting the little locks on the zippers of my backpack, which never had anything secret in it, but somehow it made me feel like I was keeping something safe, even though it only increased my hassle. Simply seeing a lock I had placed seemed to give me purpose because I was the only one who knew where the keys were–in the middle drawer of my wooden keepsake box–and I guess that’s what I needed at the time; childhood confidentiality. Thankfully I grew out of that need for secrecy before I got hitched, otherwise I might be trying to hang onto these so I can clip them on a box of Cheez-Its or something.


~ by russell jander on January 13, 2012.

2 Responses to “Locks”

  1. […] Oh, and another lock. […]

  2. […] I found the janky keys to those stupid locks. Share this:Share on TumblrDiggEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

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